I decided to watch this show, as we see competitors (looking at you) get a fair amount of attention from it, so here are my thoughts as my eyes get abused.
Kirk and Joey tried their hand at golf while discussing women and it was obvious that they were more concerned by the women than the golf. It didn’t help that they were both absolutely awful at golf (as I expect all sports). Plus Joey introduced his outfit of the week, which nobody else alive would ever consider wearing. Then we were treated to the wonders of relationship advice, as Lauren Pope talked to Danni about her “breakup” with Charlie. Fortunately, Mick, the only person who seems to have any sense on the show (which I now retract having seen him morph into a modern day [enter name of the one we dare not say]), walked in to end the embarrassing girl talk. Until he too decided to get involved with the love talk.
Next was the Essex Fashion Week which saw Gemma and Bobby, who had a massive fall out in the past and were never going to talk again, chatting about love (yes that seems to be all anyone ever talks about). Bobby even went as far as to compare himself to Cher. Brilliant. The lovely Diags revealed to Joey how he wants to do something nice for Chloe, as he does not like to see her feeling down. Diags actually seems to be a genuinely nice guy and does not seem half as dumb as most of the others. Unfortunately he is shooting a bit too above himself with Chloe.
Jess Wright, enough said, no one cares but she has managed to make up with Billie and Cara after they had a blazing row. It appears that nobody can hold a grudge in Essex as much as nobody can hold down a serious relationship. Tom K and Lydia decided that it would be a good idea for Lydia to go and talk to Arg face to face. What have these people been drinking? Talk about poking the fire! Meanwhile, Charlie continued to tell everybody that would listen that he is a man and loves girls and is not gay. We believe you Charlie.
Back to Lydia as she pulls up outside Arg’s house. I think we all know what it going to happen here (wild sex on his parents bed? NO! GOD, YOU GUYS!) and it is not going to be good. The Essex Fashion Week is still in full flow, as Diags finds Chloe and Frankie sitting on some stairs and reveals to Chloe that he is going to take her to a cat farm. He certainly knows how to treat a lady. While Lydia is talking to Arg, Tom waits in the car, which is probably the best move. Lydia and Arg go over the same boring argument that they do every week, countdown to Lydia tears ... 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... no tears, she must be growing as a person. No, wait, here they come. Pathetic!
Little Chris tries to talk to Mario about his relationship with Lucy and while Mario does make some sort of sense, Little Chris seems to struggle with grown up conversations. Joey Essex and the boys decide to visit Arg with some ridiculous Save Kenny t-shirts but not as ridiculous as Joey’s tracksuit. Operation Save Kenny involves retrieving Arg’s Kenny Award from Gemma. Really? He got it when he was like 2 years old. Grow up lads.
The Sugar Hut continues its search for the next batch of girls with a workout routine, making Mick look like a dirty pervert. Mick offers Mario the chance to help him judge the girls but Mario seems worried about Lucy’s reaction and turns the attention to Mick’s relationship with Kirk which has “gotta work”.
Diags finally takes Chloe to the cat farm, which turns out to be more like a zoo. While they obviously enjoy each other’s company, it is clear that Diags wants more than friendship but that is never going to happen. It certainly seems to be a busy episode for Mario as he enters a room and hugs one of those McFly fellas. Bit odd!
So Mr McFly guy, how do you know Mario? Brother in law eh? Things go from bad to worse for poor Mario. Not only is he marrying a dopey girl but he has that Tom fella from McFly for a brother in law. Bad times! Night time falls on Essex and Joey and Kirk are sharing a hot tub. These two give each other a run for their money in the brain stakes but at least they are looking out for their friend Arg, as they continue with Operation Save Kenny before having a competition holding their breath under water. If only they did not come up, the world would be a better place.
Chloe gives Diags some dating tips on how to make a good impression with the ladies but it is clear he is not interested and only has eyes for Chloe. Bless him. Sam tries to leave but her puppy (Joey) will not let her and it’s easy to see why with that head band on. Unfortunately for Sam, she has to give in and take Joey with her. But wait. It appears that this is all part of Joey’s master plan in Operation Save Kenny, as Arg is waiting for word.
Can Mario talk about anything other than his wedding to Lucy? It appears not, as he tries to talk to Lucy about her opinions on marriage before upsetting the girl and calling off their engagement. Such a child. Back to Operation Save Kenny and Joey is on the move. He calls Arg to give him an update and Kirk tells Joey to steal some of Gemma’s knickers. EWWW!!! And it seems that the girls have rumbled Joey! Yep, the silly boy has given the game away and it appears that Gemma does not care and gives it to Joey to take back to Arg.
Arg is delighted with his buddy as he comes running over with the Kenny Award. So, what is happening with Mario and Lucy? Well it appears that she is being open and honest and Mario clearly does not like it and storms off. We wonder what girl he will be texting for advice on how to handle this hard situation? Well, that finishes off this master piece of British TV, words fail me, for once.
Anyways, that was The Only Way Is Essex Season 7 Episode 4. I look forward to Sunday (I'm going to France for the weekend ... yes, just to avoid this program)